Trip to Bohol through Cebu March 1st 2025

In Cebu, I renteda car at the airport to get a feel for some of the tourist spots. As soon as I drove it off the lot someone behind me started blowing their horn so I sped up through the intersection only to have an underscover jump in front of my car and wave me to the curb. Luckily he allowed me to pay a fine and be on my way. I drove to Moal Boal on the other side of the island. It was already 2am by the time I arrived, so I slept a few hours in the car. Moal Boal is a little beach town with several bars.

I continued my roadtrip around the souhern tip of the island, which gave me a chance to see Oslob, a beautiful beach town famous for its whale sharks. That afternoon I checked into the Mandatin and headed back to Lapu-Lapu to return the rental car. Right before I got there another plane clothes cop appeared flagged me down on foot. The fine was 50% more this time and for an offense that took place in a different lane than I was in. It was like he confused my car with someone else's. The hotel was a good deal.. such a good deal I stayed there a couple weeks.

I spent the next few days at the mall and Carbon market. There was a cute little homeless girl that popped up everytime I tried to leave the hotel, putting her hand out like a little monkey, "Greg give me 50." I bought her a couple eggs and some bread and we became friends. Another girl I am no longer friends with had higher asperations. I took her and her friend out for lunch and then we made plans to go to the beach. She showed up for the beach outing with 4 friends... all 5 of them pile into the back of the cab. I was making small talk about Bohol when the thick stench of methane gas crept over the seat... I looked back and the biggest girl said, "oh yea you should see the chocolate hills," as she leaned back inhaling as she lifted her breasts with her belly. i diverted my gaze to my friend who somewhere between the crosswalk and cab door had received 12 pink roses... her mischievous look over the bouquet of roses had me baffled as to who had farted, her or the big one. When we got to the destination she keyed into the gps it was clear this was her first trip to the beach because we ended up at a boat ramp... another cab was able to find us the seediest beach i have ever been to. We sat at an awful buko type hut where some horrible fat women tried to charge me 10 dollars for the privilege of getting splinters in my ass while an old man sold me sea urchins with no meat in them and a bag of rice. One of the girls started rolling the rive into balls and popping them into her mouth like Yoshi. Then the 5 girls start begging me to rent a boat for island hopping. It was absolutely pathetic. As we were leaving I decided to drink from the large overpriced jug of water instead of leaving it there uncontaminated... the fat woman that tried to shake me down for $10 lost her shit and started screaming in Filipino. It was the most pathetic outing I have ever been on. Then the girl blocks me on Facebook...

After a few days.. I decided to catch a ferry to Bohol and see the chocolate hills, which actually turned out to still be green at this time of the year.

Bohol is also know for its Tarsier monkies. I went to a couple of their sanctuaries to visit the little nocturnal monkies.

I found a very nice boutique resort a short walk from the ferry port. They have a really nice pool.

The rest of my trip was spent on Pang Lao which is a small tourist destination near the airport. There are lots of restaurants, activities, and Alona beach.

A couple more places worth mentioning but not really worth visiting are the dining on ferries. Here is Plaza Loboc at lunchtime.. And Rio Verde... they have firefly watching during dinner.