My US passport recently expired and the least problematic way to get a replacement, while in the Philippines, is visiting the Ebassy in Manila or Consulate in Cebu. I chose Cebu. I booked tickets at double the fare of what is offered when matchmakers are trying to ship you girlfriends in the off season, and I was ready to go.
Before my flight I looked at a few residential lots which were slowly, very slowly becoming somewhat reasonable in price. I ran over the numbers of what local middle class Philippino citizens make and what most expats retire on... and had to look at myself with my camera to make sure I wasn't Korean. I thanked my friend for showing me property that wasn't a complete slap in the face and headed to the airport.
The flight was short and pleasant, but my phone did crap out when I tried to take pictures. Luckily it didn't brick and it held a charge at the airport. There was a comfortable bus that takes you from the airport across the Mactan Bridge for 50 pesos. A group of lively, beautiful flight attendants made it more than worth it. The prostitute or recently retired porn actress sitting next to them trying to touch her eyebrows with her tongue was also entertaining, meth does a body good. The bus terminal was surprisingly located between the Radisson and Bayfront hotel.
I checked in to the Mandarin Plaza Hotel which was downtown. It was so comfortable I ended up making it my homebase for three nights.
Day 2
The US consulate is run by a group of American Philippinos.. militant at the door but welcoming inside. I dropped off my passport application and photos after listening to some good old rednecks talking about their pensions, now insignificant due to American inflation, and Philippino wives.. I felt the urge to check my reflection again with my phone.
I caught a "jeepney" from downtown to Fuentes where I had lunch at a mid-level Robinsons mall.
I found a small town outside the city with baby girls in makeup, so I decided to walk through.
Deeper in the town I found an internet cafe like the one by my house in Mexico, a Godsend when your phone goes out.
As I continued my hike, I almost slipped on a bag of bodily fluids. My walk ended at a beautiful Sari Sari, named MJ Love Store. The only thing missing was Michael Jackson music.
The town opened onto a mainstreet which I followed to the Carbon Market.
The Carbon market was great... and a stone's throw from the Magellan Cross which is located in front of an amazing Chapel.
I decided to visit one more mall in Lahug Lahug before calling it a night. Another upscale mall in an IT park.. it had a strange vibe and I felt like I was going to go cross eyed so I headed back to the hotel.
Day 3
The hotel breakfast is pretty good.
I headed over to Colon street, which despite its name is very unique with lots of cool people. It reminds me of dowtown Los Angeles. All the knock offs for sale are priced like knock offs and you don't have fool's gold in fancy boxes with overpriced price tags.
After exploring Cebu some more I returned to Colon which was as lively as ever. There was a fair with fresh crab and street food. The street even had a lady bar, something I avoid but am glad to know still exist.
Near the lady bar was a statue of an obese hell spawn, disguised as a female cupid. I took it as a bad omen and went back to my hotel.
Day 4
I decided to move to a hotel on Mactan so I would be closer to the airport. It took forever because I didn't attempt to use the Move-It App and the Grab App kept locking up my phone. I did find ANOTHER mall though.
On Mactan I caught another jeepney to my hotel.
Note to other riders, on parts of the road these metal tanks come within a few inches of each other so it is wise to keep all your limbs in the vehicle.
I stayed at the Arterra Hotel which is right on the water. I could see night divers spear fishing from my window. The hotel serves their catch at the restaurant (bangus fish were biting).
An all you can eat chicken wing advertisement popped up in my Facebook stream so I headed over to the place 888 or something like that. It is near Ocean Club. On my third or fourth plate I got zapped by something and I dropped one of my chicken wings on the floor. The food was pretty good and they had like 6 different flavors, though the sauce seemed to get a little dirty towards the end. Thus is life..
On my way home I noticed a colorful minature rainbow chicken in my yard. It reminded me of a friend of mine who showed me one of his all black miniature chickens from China. He proudly showed me that she even had an all black butthole and told me she was very expensive. I wondered if the rainbow chicken was as rare as the black Chinese chicken.
I headed back out that night and went to OM Bar. More bouncers from the gym (that's what happens on a small island) and a unique approach to climate control. The first half of the club is outdoors with a couple bars and a little too hot. Then you walk inside to the second half of the bar with the dance floor and it's too cold, but right upstairs the temperature is just right.
